Fighting the good fight

I have "issues" with dying. Not really being dead, but the whole indignity and suffering that sometimes goes along with the process of dying. What my Mom went thru, I would never have put my dogs thru. I sure as all get out don't want to go thru it myself. Modern medicine may be wonderful, but it sure does have some pitfalls.

Every once in awhile though, someone's process and acts of selflessness inspire others to do really great things. Thousands and thousands of people have followed Susan and Elden's struggles with cancer. From the desire to do something good, Fatcyclist raised over $500,000 for the battle against cancer.

Susan fought hard, and is now at rest. The fight goes on, and if you have some $$ to spare, you might even win a really sweet new Orbea. So head over to www.fatcyclist.com. Buy lots of chances to win, and help Fatty defeat cancer.

Gam Jams Sock Review

I love socks. Unfortunately, so does my dog Bob. Bob loves stinky socks, and follows me around when I get back from a ride to get HIS socks. He doesn't chew them up, he just carries them, and lays with them in his face so that he can breathe in the wonderful odors.

He is a seriously warped little dog.

My favorite socks... Sock Guy. They actually fit my feet, and every now and again I get them on sale. As many people have noticed... when the sock fairies take a sock back to never never land, I end up with mis-matched socks. Ergo the Hottie-Bitch combo. I do have to be careful not to mix and match lions and zebras, ala Garanimals. It is a rare day that I am ever color coordinated.
What do I wear most? Decente Socks. Why? Because Probikekit had an awesome sale, they were like $3.00 and buy one get one free. Oh, and free shipping. I think I bought 30 pairs of them. Now I'm sure to have a match, even if they don't actually match any of my bike kits. They do the job, they last ok, they fit pretty good, and Bob's happy, they still stink.

In the winter, I found a few pairs of long Cannondale wool socks on a clearance table. Man, they are some kind of wonderful. They are thin enough to wear under bike shoes, and warm enough and breathe enough to wear when its cold. They wick sweat away very well, which is super important for when I have booties on. Did I mention they were on sale? I would buy those socks full price. You know, if I had to. They also pass the Bob test, which Bob thinks is MOST important.

Socks I hate... Defeet... Not only are they very overpriced, but the women's sizes are off, and within a few wears my toes poke holes in them. Any sock that doesn't last is not worth it. Expensive socks that don't last... just not right.

In the summertime, I only wear short cuffs. Why? Because I try to draw the line (forgive the pun) at the number of tan lines that decorate my body. Its bad enough that I have a farmer's tan, then the bike short lines, and the watch lines. High water marks on the calves are just bad.

Next winter though, baby I want a couple pairs of Gamjams socks.

A charming Encounter... NOT

I am a very blessed person. I remind myself all the time, just in case I get too big for my britches. You never know when the rug will get pulled out from underneath you, so you better count your blessings when you can.

One of the biggest of my blessings is that I live in a rural county, with mostly gracious people. Some are incredibly wealthy. Some are incredibly poor. For the most part, the people where I live, rich or poor, are just plain, good people.

When you City folks are getting honked at, screamed at, and run over by people in a hurry who are texting something wildly important... I generally get waived at. On the rare occasion that I get a flat, chances are good that I'll have a few people stop and offer to help me out. Chances are that those people will know Cliff or be related to him. I swear he is related to everyone out here.

Yeah, I get the occasional car that passes too close. I believe its accidental, and almost never on purpose. Truck mirrors hang out a bit farther than most people think. Occasionally I'll amost get taken out by a trailer... same thing. They are longer than most people think.

Today I'm out on an easy ride to loosen up the legs before tomorrow's tt. Just an easy spin, on a very quiet road, beside some of the most expensive real estate in the county. Horses, dogs, deer... my favorite road. 150' before I make a left hand turn and I'm in the left hand lane. And suddenly I have a car about 2" off my rear wheel. Revving his motor... Very angry.

Unlike most cars, my bike does have a turn signal... I'm on the double yellow line, with my arm out indicating that I'm turning left, and this guy is trying to pass me. As I turned left, he yelled at me, "Stupid bitch, get on the fucking bike path!"

Uh, I must have missed something. In Goochland we don't have bike paths, bike lanes, and now that I think of it, a good many of our roads aren't even striped.

No, I didn't waive at him, ring a bell at him, and unfortunately did not get his tag number.

Cliff called me and I told him. He asked me if I would recognize the guy again or if I could give him a better description of the car. No, I can't. And no, I don't really want to know who this person is. And yes, I bet it would be easy for Cliff to find out.

Couldn't you just see it... being introduced to this guy at some event and knowing that he is the jerk that was screaming at me. Couldn't you just picture it... as I'm shaking his hand in front of his family... " Oh, yes! But we have met before! Allow me to refresh your memory of a lovely summer day when you so robustly told me " Stupid bitch, get on the fucking bike path!" And what would I say to the wife? "Oh, you must be soooo proud to have such a fine example of manhood for your own..."

Nope, think I'll pass on figuring out who our hero is. My mouth gets me in enough trouble as it is.

Fungus Factories

Ok, I admit it... I have a phobia. It's not spiders, or bug, or easy things like that. I actually think spiders are pretty cool. I have a fungus phobia.

Yeah, fungus. I am terrified of your slimy ass water bottles that rot in the back of your car, but you continue to drink out of. Ewwwwwwwwwww. I see you, with black floaty stuff swimming around in your bottles, and I get the cold clammies.

The worst? Gatorfunk bottles. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. All those germies and fungi just living the life of Riley in your bottle after you have continuously bathed them all summer in sugary sweetness. Uh, wash your bottle every now and again? Paleeeeze?

Maybe even worse, camelbaks. I've started using a camelbak bladder for time trials and I live in fear of the little assassins that are hiding in the tubing ready to smack me into the er with some variant of Dengue fever, gut rot, or some other esoteric crud.

When J and I did Bike VA a few years ago we were some of the few souls that escaped the food poisoning epidemic. I told J... no eating out of community bowls, no eating food that wasn't wrapped... and no drinking from anyone's water. We carried our own wash stuff, and we hit convenience stores where we could. (and almost died out there in WVA when the century day was MUCH longer than 100 miles and we bypassed a questionable looking stop only to run out of food and water when there was nothing to be had on the route...) But we didn't get sick, didn't go to the er, and felt pretty smug later.

So help me. Wash your bottles. Like all the time. If they have floaties in them... throw the bottles AWAY. EEEEEEeeeeewwwwww. I get the willies just thinking about it.

Bullshit Bingo

Yesterday my boss got a motivation catalog... go to www.baudville.com. I thought I was going to die of laughter. It was full of "Successories" unbelievably stupid things to give to employees, in lieu of money, to show them that you really appreciate and value them and all the overtime they work. My favorite...this little card that tells them what great job they did, with a removable button so that everyone in the office could instantly tell that they're special.

I was laughing so hard that I almost fell off my ball. My boss did NOT think it was funny.

And then of course I had to waste more time by emailing that stuff to all my friends. And my buddy, Swinging Balls Battle sent me this back...

"Boy this was timely. We spent 3.5 hours discussing diversity and inclusion today. Specifically hot they related to the workplace in terms of missing opportunities. I'm all for that. But the new buzzword is 'engagement.'

Anyone remember "Bullshit Bingo"? Often called 'Buzzword Bingo?" You have a list of words that you take to a meeting. You mark them off as they're used. First one to complete a line stands up and shouts, "Bullshit!" Other than being a career limiting move, it's pretty damn funny. Anyway, I found my old sheet for this. Cool words. Remember 'empowerment?' How about 'paradigm?'

Sure you do! Play it with me now... 'engagement', 'inclusion', 'divirsity'. Bullshit! See, wasn't that fun!"

Yes, you too can have fun at work. Add in continuous improvement, and other words and play along.

I'm so glad that my friends are as warped as I am. Happy Friday!

Time to burn in hell

Last night was the chicks ride, with the addition of our honorary chicklets... Bill an Cliff.

Carolyn, Cliff and I were motoring after coming up a nice hill, and as we slowed to take a breath... Cliff spied puppies in the woods. At first we thought there were two puppies... then we found two more.

Too bad they were so skittish... I couldn't get them to come to me. But, I can tell you, they LOVE Natures Path Peanut Butter bars. (I do, too!) So we fed them all we had, and called animal control to bring out the traps. Maybe we'll have luck today and get the little guys someplace where they wont get smooshed by a car or eaten by coyotes.

Yes, we have coyotes. And yes, they will eat puppies. Cats as well. One of the DNR guys told me a few years ago that Louisa Counties feral cat problem had "resolved." As in... eaten. Coyotes think cats are quite tasty.

So to the people who throw puppies out to die... there is a place for you. Its nice and warm.

Seat bag review- just the nutz

At our Sprint into Spring race this year, my teammate Bill Battle forgot to take off his seat bag. I promised him that I would torment him for the rest of his life about it, and I always live up to my promises....

The bag was not well attached to the bike, and swung back and forth... kind of in a mesmerizing way... that brought to mind a set of, you know, testicles. I had to bring his significant other over to take a look, and Carolyn immediately went into hysterical laughter as the bag (balls) swung back and forth, back and forth.

So now, whenever I think of bike bags, that's the first thing that pops into my mind... a set of brass ones, swinging wildly.

In general, I don't use a bike bag. That's what jersey pockets are for. I do have one, a cheap Performance brand monstrosity that I can carry a small family in. I only use that for really long rides where stores are few. If I need something, I've taken one tip from the tri-geeks, and use a Bento Box on the top tube. Trust me, if I want a gel, or a chapstick, or fresh gum... I want it where I can grab it. The Bento box sits on the top tube and is much more accessible than any bike bag.

Now close your eyes and think of Bill Battle... you see swinging testicles now don't you...