Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Merry Christmas Dog Drop

Julie laughingly says that there is this underground network where one dog tells another dog, "hey man, you get dumped... go to this Karen Lady's house. She'll feed ya. Just look at her with melting eyes and she's a goner..."

So Friday, my guys are barking like crazy and I hear nails on the front porch and find 3 very smelly hunting beagles. You know, melty brown eyes, sweet kisses, and unbearable stench. I was done for. A little kibble here, some water there, and I caught one and set off to find their homes. (Yes, I fully know the impossibility of that, but its a FELONY to take someone's dog. Even when they are on your property.)

So, I amble across the road and promptly find out that its not the 3 of them that were on my porch. No, its 8 of them. Being pack dogs I was swarmed, kneed, and thrown to the chip seal road on one knee. Ouch! Bigger ouch to the little tacker that I happened to squash- who proceeded to scream like I was ripping her toe nails out- which brought out the neighbors to see the mass murder in progress.

From here it gets a bit surreal... Play Twilight Zone music now. I'm in the road, squashed beagle howling in outrage, pack of beagles trying to lick my face, knee throbbing, and cars zipping by...

Neighbor tells me that the dogs were dumped (duh) as they had no collars.

Then a bunch of hunters stop and talk to the neighbor (because of course I'm female and therefore insignificant) and one says that he'll take the dogs. He opens up the back of his truck and buckets of blood pour out. Yes, he was deer hunting. And all thats left of said deer is a head (conveniently cut off by the chainsaw in the truck bed,) the deer heart, and liver and blood. Lots of blood.

The dogs are in heaven now and abandon me to the spoils in the truck. Said hunter starts shoving dogs in a tiny crate, and when they couldnt fit in one more, put the rest in the truck bed to the ecstacy of licking the entrails.


And off they went.

And now I'm wondering if I did a bad thing. Will they be ok? Are they happy and warm? Did they get fed this morning?

Yep, I'm a schmuck. If you come to my house, I'll feed you. Just do me a favor, don't knock me flat in the meantime...

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